“I thought, 'How can I be bailed out so many times and not learn a lesson?' It would be better off for everyone if I wasn't here. I realise now that the people who love me just wanted to help.”
I’ve battled with anxiety and low moods since my early teens. I can see now that I had little self-worth… I just didn’t care. I spiralled into a life of substance abuse, partying with the wrong crowds and getting into trouble. I felt guilty about being a burden on my parents – who were always having to bail me out financially – and for the worry I caused them by disappearing for weeks on end. It was hard to open up to anyone because I felt like my problems were selfish.
I thought working in mining would give me a fresh start, but the ‘fly in, fly out’ lifestyle just resulted in me living an extreme double life. During work time, I often felt really isolated. And in my time off, I fell back into addiction – spending all the money I’d earned. I regularly had dark thoughts and started tattooing my body each time I became suicidal, to try to change my identity. Being ‘tough’ was my way of coping with things, but bottling up my problems didn’t work. I started thinking to myself: ‘Who would even notice if I was gone?’
My life changed two years ago, after I relocated to the Isaac for work. Back then, I could never have imagined the life I have today – a beautiful wife and son, and so much to live for. I still have negative thoughts, but having love in my life has gotten me to a place where small things give me hope that everything is okay. I know now that there are always people to reach out to.
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