I’m worried about someone

People who are struggling don’t always say directly how they’re feeling. However, you may notice changes in their behaviour, mood or what they talk about. Paying attention to these changes can help you recognise when someone may need extra support.

You might notice the person:

• Spending less time with friends, family or people they usually connect with
• Changes in their eating or sleep patterns
• Taking risks or acting more recklessly (for example dangerous driving, overspending or gambling)
• Finding it harder to look after themselves or keep up with daily routines
• Giving away possessions or talking about ‘getting things in order’

They may talk about or express:

• Feeling trapped or like there’s no way out
• Thinking about death as a form of escape or relief
• Feeling guilty, ashamed or like a burden on others
• Feeling hopeless or losing interest in the future
• Seeming suddenly calm after a period of distress (which can sometimes indicate they may have made a decision about suicide)

Certain experiences can increase someone’s vulnerability, including:

• Relationship, job or financial stress
• Physical or mental health challenges
• Major life changes or transitions
• Job loss, retirement or career struggles
• Grief, difficult anniversaries or reminders of past loss
• Past trauma resurfacing

If you notice some of these changes in someone you care about, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will attempt suicide. However, it may be a sign they need extra support and someone to check in with them.

Starting a conversation can feel difficult, especially if you’re worried about saying the wrong thing. It doesn’t have to be perfect – what matters most is showing you care and being willing to listen.

It can help to:

• Choose a time and place where you can talk without interruptions
• Speak in a calm, open and non-judgemental way
• Focus on what you’ve noticed, rather than making assumptions
• Be prepared that they may not want to talk straight away

You might say:

• ‘I care about you and wanted to check in.’
• ‘I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately and I’m concerned about you.’
• ‘You seem really overwhelmed. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?’
• ‘You’ve been through a lot recently. How have you been coping?’

If you’re worried about suicide, it’s okay to ask directly. This does not put the idea in someone’s head. Research shows it can help people feel seen, understood and more willing to talk. Avoiding the topic can sometimes make it harder for them to open up. Asking directly shows that you’re taking them seriously.

You might ask:

• ‘Are you thinking about harming yourself?’
• ‘Have you been having thoughts about suicide?’
• ‘Have things been feeling so hard that you’ve thought about ending your life?’

Try to ask in a calm, open way, and give them time to respond.

If they say yes

If they say they are thinking about suicide, try to stay calm. Your response can help them feel safer.

You might:

• Thank them for telling you (e.g. ‘I’m really glad you told me’)
• Let them know they’re not alone
• Stay with them or keep in contact
• Ask gentle follow-up questions to understand how they’re feeling

It can help to ask:

• ‘Have you thought about how you might do it?’
• ‘Do you feel safe right now?’

If they are at risk, focus on keeping them safe in the moment. You can:

• Stay with them or make sure they are not alone
• Help them move to a safer place
• Reduce access to anything they could use to harm themselves
• Encourage them to contact a support service or health professional
• Offer to sit with them while they make a call

If you’re not sure what to do, it’s okay to seek help yourself.

It’s important to get help now if the person:

• Says they want to harm themselves or end their life
• Has a plan or intent to act on suicidal thoughts
• Seems overwhelmed and unable to stay safe
• Is alone and struggling to cope
• Has taken steps to prepare for suicide

Urgent help can look different depending on the situation.

You might:

• Stay with them or keep them on the phone
• Ask someone you trust to be with them
• Encourage them to go somewhere safer (like a public place or around others)
• Contact a GP or urgent mental health service
• Take them to an emergency department

If you’re thinking about taking someone to hospital, you may feel unsure whether things are ‘serious enough’. If you’re worried about their safety, it’s okay to seek help.

Emergency mental health care can help if the person:

• Feels unsafe or at risk of harming themselves
• Has already harmed themselves
• Is extremely distressed, confused, paranoid or unlike themselves

You can get help by:

• Calling Triple Zero (000) if they are in immediate danger or cannot get there safely
• Driving them, taking public transport or a taxi to the nearest emergency department
• Calling your state or territory mental health triage line for advice

If they don’t want to go, this can be difficult. If you’re concerned about their immediate safety, it’s okay to seek urgent help anyway.

When you arrive, a triage nurse will usually ask a few brief questions about what’s happening and whether the person is safe. You don’t need to explain everything perfectly.

You can say:

• ‘I’m really worried about their safety’
• ‘They’ve been talking about harming themselves’
• ‘They’re too overwhelmed to explain properly’

You can also:

• Share what you’ve noticed
• Show staff messages or notes if helpful
• Support the person to speak if they’re able

While you wait

Emergency departments can be busy. Waiting can be stressful for both of you.

It may help to:

• Stay with them and offer reassurance
• Let staff know if their safety changes
• Encourage small grounding strategies (like slow breathing or focusing on surroundings)
• Ask for water, a blanket or a quieter space if available

The person may be seen by a nurse, doctor or mental health clinician.

They may ask about:

• What has been happening
• How safe the person feels
• Whether they’ve been thinking about suicide
• Medications, alcohol or other substances

From there, they might:

• Go home with follow-up support
• Be referred to a crisis team
• Stay for a short period of monitoring
• Be admitted for more support

Seeking help in an emergency can feel difficult, but if you’re worried about their safety, taking action is the right thing to do.

When someone is thinking about suicide, it’s often a sign they’re feeling overwhelmed, distressed or unable to cope with what they’re going through.

This can be linked to:

• Emotional pain that feels too intense or ongoing
• Feeling trapped, stuck or unsure how things will improve
• Major life stressors like relationship, financial or work challenges
• Physical or mental health difficulties
• Past experiences or trauma resurfacing

People don’t always talk about this directly. What you’re noticing may be one part of a much bigger picture.

Suicidal thoughts don’t always mean someone wants to die. For many people, they reflect how difficult things feel right now – a way of expressing distress, exhaustion or a need for relief.

Some people describe it as: ‘I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.’

These thoughts can come and go, and they don’t always lead to action. But they are a sign that support is needed. Taking them seriously and responding with care can make a real difference.

Supporting someone who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts can take a lot of emotional energy. Looking after your own wellbeing is important for both you and the person you care about. Here are some ways you can look after yourself:

Talk things through with someone you trust
Supporting someone can feel heavy to carry on your own. Sharing what’s been happening with a friend, family member or colleague can help you process your thoughts and reduce some of the pressure you may be feeling.

Get guidance if you’re unsure what to do
Crisis lines such as Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) and 13 YARN (13 92 76), also support family members and friends. You can talk through the situation and get practical advice about possible next steps.

Connect with peer support
Many people find it helpful to speak with others who have supported someone through similar experiences. Peer support spaces allow you to share what you’re going through, learn from others and feel less alone. You can read or join discussions in SANE Forums, where people talk openly about supporting loved ones through mental health challenges. In some areas, community-based services such as Safe Haven or other peer-led programs may also be available.

Consider professional support for yourself
A GP, counsellor or psychologist can help you navigate the situation and protect your own mental health while supporting someone else.

Take time to recharge
Supporting someone can be draining. Small things like stepping outside, resting or doing something that helps you relax can help restore your energy.

Create a simple plan for yourself
Some people find it helpful to write down the support they can offer, the boundaries they need, and who they can turn to if things become overwhelming. For example, SANE RecoveryClub offers a My Carer Plan template that can help you look after your own wellbeing while supporting others.